Tell me four years ago that I’m going to be a mom and I would apprehensively tell you that it wouldn’t be in the near future. Even after getting hitched in 2006, we ignored the obvious jabs/reminders from my mother and mother in law and we decided to have a baby when we feel that the time is right, not when people ask us to pop one out.

I was also terrified back then. Not terrified of being a mother, but of labor pains. It’s almost inevitable to talk about birth and pregnancy and NOT have it end up like some kind of a scene from a horror movie. Have you ever heard about the test they did on dogs by ringing a bell followed by a meal daily and one day just ring the bell and don’t bring the food? The dogs salivated anyway. It’s called conditioning. If you’re being told one thing over and over, you’ll start believing it too.

Labor became synonymous with pain. Lotsa and lotsa pain. Like OMGsomeonekillmenowandit’sallyourfuckingfault pain.

But after a while I began accepting that yes, one day we want to have a child and in order for that to happen, I need to get pregnant. And after being pregnant what follows immediately? Delivery. I began to accept the fact that I might have to scream bloody murder in the delivery room.

Last December on the 24th, after a particularly lovely Christmas Eve buffet at Merdeka Palace, we found out the news: I’m pregnant. I had missed my period by a week and was getting a weird feeling about it. Like this is it feeling. Mother’s intuition? Maybe.

That moment will forever be embedded in my mind - with the stick in hand, I watched as the urine flowed to the other side and revealed a plus sign. Pregnant. I am really pregnant. My first reaction was shock. I couldn’t be! We had been trying for six months and suddenly we stopped worrying about it and there it was! In that single second as I stared at the stick, Jee on the other side of the door waiting for me (impatiently) - a million thoughts crossed my mind, but the most overwhelming one of all is how I felt emotionally. I was shocked, elated, in disbelief, terrified, excited,…. I couldn’t breathe.

I was a smoker before. I stopped immediately. It wasn’t a big issue. Suddenly life gave me a HUGE reason to stop, so I did. I’m not saying it was easy, or that I didn’t go through withdrawal, but it just wasn’t an issue.

In the first trimester, I had the dreaded morning sickness, vomiting all around the clock, before and after meals, during teeth brushing, while driving, while listening to music, after reading for more than 5 minutes, or for no apparent reason at all. I would feel nauseous and vomit. We began to pack at least 5 plastic bags in my bag just in case, and I would hurl in the middle of driving, or when we were out and eating. It was the most miserable time I had…. I don’t even know what was keeping me afloat on some days. My growing uterus pressed down on my bladder so I was visiting the loo around 8 times a night. The changing hormones made me lethargic and super tired - like never before.

My moods were also vicious. Hell hath no fury like a woman having morning all day sickness. My tolerance for idiocy were extremely thin at this point and I didn’t even think twice about lashing out.

Around this time, I learned from Jackie and Ngee Jee about Hypnobirthing. It was like as if the sky just opened up and a ray of light shone through - yeah, cheesy - LOL… but it felt that way. Finally! A way to make birth as comfortable as possible. There is a chance that I don’t have to be the statistics of screaming, violently pushing women. We signed up immediately and booked Ginny at Four Trimesters in Singapore.

As for the first ultrasound… nothing can describe it. I reckon all ultrasounds will be like that, but there’s something magical about the first ultrasound, when I first set my eyes on our baby on the screen. It was active, moving around incessantly, healthy and normal as can be.

Jee wasn’t faring any better. That look of wonder, of pride, of joy. I really don’t mean to make this sound sooooo cheesy, guys. And we thought we were the un-cheesiest people ever, but look at us! A wee baby turned us into dairy products. I will soon be one too - what with breastfeeding and all.

By the second scan, we were just so shocked to see our baby so big. The one main theme I can say about this pregnancy is just how fast things can develop. I began to show other common (but not enjoyable) signs of pregnancy - like my hair gets oily so fast, I can squeeze some out for you to cook if you want to. Just give me a day. Constipation is another one, and I made sure to eat muesli every day to keep things flowing. TMI? Sorry, everything about pregnancy is TMI, so you might as well stop reading. I began to get leg cramps in the middle of the night, but in my case it’s thankfully mild - or I just know how to handle it better. Instead of clenching your muscles even more in pain, just relax, breathe and slowly stretch your legs out. It’ll go away faster.

By the second trimester, my all day sickness had passed and my appetite increased. Much to my disappointment, I did not experience a lot of cravings. I eat a lot of bread, yes… but it’s not like “I want it now!” kinda thing. Perhaps Hollywood had skewed another reality for us - a woman waking her husband in the middle of the night asking for, oh I don’t know - durian? Ais kacang? Pickled beef?

I was denied the fun, sadly. LOL! It’ll be hilarious to see Jee trying to find a place that sells pickled beef at 3am. If pickled beef exists.

Around this time, we flew to Singapore to attend the Hypnobirthing classes. Ginny is uber-busy, but friendly and approachable. I’m in awe of her, actually - for being one of the strongest women I know, as I’d been following some of her blog posts and know, to a certain extent, what she’d been through. Meeting her though, and talking to her you never get the sense that she’d been through so much. She remains down to earth, and while we were there, learned truckloads from her. I think I asked so many silly questions but she was gracious to entertain them all.

Also by second trimester, the books advise that you don’t sleep flat out on your back any more, as the weight of the baby will bear down on major vein that returns blood from your legs to your heart. I usually sleep on my front, so it wasn’t a problem at first until now, the start of third trimester. When you sleep on either side of your body all night, you’re bound to get backache.

I didn’t appreciate second trimester fully until I got to third trimester. There’s 3 more months to go, and I’m already antsy.

This is my belly today. By now, a lot of people can tell the sex of the baby just by looking at it. It’s weird, but they are ALL correct! I guess opening a casino is out the window for me, as I’m sure to lose money to all these people who can win easily at my tables.

Here are some of the things they told me:
1. My nose is bigger than pre-pregnancy size.
2. My belly is “sharp” - you can’t tell I’m pregnant just by looking at me from behind or from the front but the bulge is most evident from the side.
3. An older gentleman in Singapore noted that I have more aggressive movements.

Well? Are they true? *shrugs* All of them guessed that our baby is a boy correctly, though.

Oh… one more thing. Baby is also kicking quite hard nowadays. Last night Jee and I spent a few mesmerized minutes watching my belly wobble. So freakin’ cute! LOL!

Jee and I are bonding with our baby every chance we get - he does listen and respond and that is the most wonderful feeling in the world. A couple of times he got agitated about noise, kicking and rolling around restlessly. Once was in a crowded and noisy restaurant, and another when a toilet door closed too loudly. I talked to him, soothing him and explaining what was going on outside or what caused that noise, and told him not to worry or be afraid. And he would quiet down almost immediately. Ah-mahhh-zing… *big goofy grin*

Choosing his name was pretty easy, thankfully. For our own reasons, I do not wish to discuss about his names here except that his name is Marcus and we want to thank Alison and Daryl for choosing his middle name. :)

There are just so many other things I can talk about here, like trying to find a post-natal caregiver (common in Asian cultures), breastfeeding worries or unbelievably thick-headed people who offer unwanted advices; but no, not now. Maybe next time. :)

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